What I want for my daughter

Mini-Me Jane will be five years old in January.  Like every other girl, she plays with Barbie dolls, walks in my shoes, and knows to eat healthy snacks.  She will always ask for fruit before candy.  I raised her that way.  We play Abby & Emma dress up dolls, she sings, and she love to watch movies.  She gets that quirk from me.

I am extremely conscious of a heartbreaking trend that my daughter might one day desire.  I've seen this persistent backward trend on television and in the movies.  In casual conversations, I've heard it repeated.  I've seen the after effects of this trend, and I've ever seen this trend fail.  And unfortunately, this trend is just for girls.  I dread to hear these word:

"All my life I dreamed about my wedding day."
"One day I hope I marry a wonderful man."
"I just won't be happy until I get married."
"I just don't know where I would be without my husband."

Let me quickly say; I'm NOT against marriage.  If you meet a wonderful fantastic person that promises to walk with you in the valleys and mountains of your life, you are fortunate.  My issue is declaring marriage for a woman is the end all, be all, GOAL in life.  Such an expectation is rarely placed on men.  Men are expected to be successful in their career, (didn't your mother want you to MARRY a doctor?), their homes, and their personal achievements (climbing Mt. Everest, creating Viagra).

I have sat with now divorced women who look lovingly at their wedding photos.  "I was so beautiful that day, so thin.  It was the best day of my life."  They collapse into tears.  "My life is over!" They are 35 years old.  They look around as if pages of truth will peel from the walls.  "What will I do? Who would want me, now?"

You're kidding me, right?

When I was a little Jane, growing up in the Apple, I would daydream about my Oscar speech.  Really.  I would pretend to be on the Johnny Carson show, and talk about living in Florida, and my upcoming film.  Performing was my goal in life.  My mom never gushed about weddings.  Hell, Mom didn't even wear make-up.  Mom always took me to my dance classes, acting classes.  She never sat down with me to talk about weddings and marriage.  My cousins & I never had that talk either.

I believe my mom and pop had such faith and love in me, they did all they could to cultivate my character.  We traveled, along with my brother the Rock Star, all over the world.  At no point was "wedding" discussed.  When I was in my twenties, my father began the gentle "lean"; when will you find a husband, Janie?  As if my monthly Husband Catalog were piled high and deep in the hallway, collecting dust.  I was still working on that Oscar speech.  At the same time, I was writing plays, back in school, working a job, digging myself deep in credit card debt.  I was living life.  When I reached my thirties, I finally thought about having a mate, a partner in crime, a husband.

And after a mild quiet divorce, I'm still thinking about finding him.  But its NOT my goal in life.  I'm STILL working on my speech.

I want my Mini Me Jane to have a rich fantastic life with a career, a home, and an incredible wardrobe. I want my Mini Me Jane to be proud and confident with her body, her hair, her face.  If she goes to Yale or community college, I want her to follow her dream.  I want her to have personal achievement goals, and I will do all I can to help her accomplish them.  And if along the way she meets someone, and they are lucky and brave enough to ask her to marry them, I hope she continues her goals.  This is what I want for my daughter.